


Never So Alive

by ead13



Series: Emphasis on Redemption [5]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, NSFW Alphabet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-10-19 10:04:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20655416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ead13/pseuds/ead13
Summary: Glimpses into the blossoming physical relationship between Kieran and Mary-Beth via the NSFW Alphabet template. I'm a sucker for those...





	1. A = Aftercare

The waves of pleasure vibrating through her body gradually fade, and when she finally pulls away to admire her lover through her afterglow, she sees the tears softly trickle down his cheeks until they disappear into his beard. Even though he is looking at her, his eyes are glassy, seeing without really seeing. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, back when everything was new and overwhelming to him and his mind couldn’t wrap itself around the idea that someone could love him that much after spending so many years kicked to the curb. Once in a while, though, when their love-making turns particularly intimate and profound, they return. She thinks she knows what’s going through his head, but she asks anyway as she gently brushes a stray tear from his eye.

“What are you thinking right now, love?”

His response is to squeeze his eyes shut and squeeze her tightly around her waist, her soft body still throwing heat from their passionate coupling, burying his face against her neck as he inhales the scent of her. “I’m so grateful, and I love ya so much Mary-Beth. You’re…the world to me.”

It’s not the first time he’s voiced such a sentiment, but his breathless words send shivers down her spine all the same. Before he’d stumbled into her life, she’d grown cynical of men; they never compared to the ones in her books. Suddenly he was there, dirty and poor and illiterate but just bursting to love and be loved in return. If she’d give it, he’d return it tenfold. Her own arms sneak under his and wrap around his back. It is dripping sweat from his exertion, but that matters very little at the moment. “I love you back, Kieran Duffy, just as much.”

It’s his turn to shudder as another tear falls. “Please, darlin’, just…will ya stay with me for a while?”

Kieran’s not one to do the deed and dash. Even when they do something quick and spontaneous, he needs her to stay with him until his head settles down. It’s fear of abandonment, of losing everything he’s worked so hard to gain, leaving him back at the bottom of the pile once more, but she doesn’t mind. Maybe some women would find it needy, but she enjoys feeling needed for once in her life. “I’d like that very much.”

So they grudgingly part in order to wrap themselves up in the blankets. He then rests his head on her breast, focusing on the beating of her heart to bring him back to earth as she affectionately runs her fingers through his hair. He’s not content to just sit there and enjoy it though; he’s got to show her just how much she means to him. Absently, he presses kisses against freckled skin. He murmurs in between. Despite being softer, it has just as much impact as before. “I love ya. Mary-Beth, I love ya.”

“I know, Kieran, and it makes me a happy woman.” She smiles, and when he sees it, it coaxes one from him too.


	2. B = Body

He was called ugly often, and he never fought against it. He believed every word of it, after all. 

He’s tall, kind of surprising considering his poor nutrition during his teenage years (his father’s genetics must have prevailed there), but instead of being built like the rest of the gang members, he’s more wiry and gangly. They always remind him about it any time they see his strange, stilted run. His hands are rough and weathered, more so than the others after going so long without gloves. Also, his skin has been exposed to the elements to the point where he looks as though he’s aged prematurely; his nose is the absolute worst, and any time he sees his reflection, he remembers how he looks like he has a constant cold. The bags under his eyes from a lack of deep sleep don’t help matters. Wrapped up in torn hand-me-down clothes and complete with greasy hair and untrimmed beard, he was a self-proclaimed mongrel.

Things are a bit different now. He still doesn’t believe he’s good-looking, and he probably never will, but at least after receiving some care he looks more like a man than a mutt. There’s one thing that can never be erased though, the thing he hates the most about his body: the scars. They weren’t earned from doing brave things, noble things. They were etched onto his skin in moments of great pain and fear, and they always remind him of his own weakness. It took a lot of convincing to allow Mary-Beth to even remove his shirt for the first time, he was so anxious about her seeing them.

“What do ya even see in me?” he finally mumbles one night as she begins to remove his clothes. “I ain’t a handsome feller. You’d probably be better off keepin’ me mostly dressed.” His eyes dart away from hers nervously. “I could still make ya feel good without ya havin’ to…”

“Kieran!” she admonishes, placing a delicate finger to his pale lips. “That’s nonsense!”

“You don’t actually think I’m nice to look at, do ya?” he challenges skeptically. Now his eyes are boring into hers, intensely focused on identifying any tells that she’s lying.

She doesn’t. He deserves better. “It’s true you aren’t exactly designed like a romance-novel protagonist,” she admits, pausing at the button of his jeans, “but that doesn’t mean I want you to hide your body away. I want to be intimate with you, and that means enjoying all of you just the way you are, flaws and all. Honestly, I don’t even see them anymore because I’m so focused on how I feel for you.” Before he can protest, she finishes with the button and tugs his pants down to his knees. “You know what I like best about your body?”

“I have no idea,” he mutters faintly, still shy under her scrutiny even after several ventures into this territory.

Mary-Beth licks her bottom lip. “Your thighs are… I don’t know. Soft but muscular? It’s all that lifting you do with the horse supplies I guess.” She begins trailing light kisses up his right thigh, and Kieran nearly convulses. “I guess that’s my guilty pleasure.”

Before he realizes what he’s doing, he reaches down and twirls his fingers in her curls. She’s mentioned she doesn’t find herself particularly beautiful either, but he’ll fight her on that one any day. There are so many things he finds attractive about her even if she can’t see them, but those curls are his favorite. They represent luxury, elegance, a girl too fine for the likes of him but still nipping near his groin regardless. “Honest to God?” he squeaks, voice cracking.

As a response, she delivers a suck there strong enough to leave a mark. He can remember this moment the next time he needs to relieve himself. “Honest to God.”


	3. C = Clean

Ever since Arthur provided him with a personal supply of soap, Kieran has made certain to use it frequently. He was well aware how dirty and smelly he was, and he didn’t like being that way at all. It was certainly an uphill battle to stay clean, seeing as he worked with the horses all day, but he did his best to be presentable.

When he knew Mary-Beth might lean in for a kiss, he tried even harder. He didn’t want the kisses to stop because he was gross.

Then, he began having a different issue keeping clean…

“Aw shit…” he groaned long and low, his hips stuttering as he spilled all over the pants he was still wearing. It was nearly impossible to get away from camp, and getting frisky with Mary-Beth had to be quick and mostly clothed. Combined with the fact that he was so inexperienced, this was the third time he’d soiled his pants after rutting against her thigh. It really wasn’t fair; Mary-Beth had touched herself to the sights and sounds of him chasing his release, causing her to climax as well, but with her anatomy and long skirts, no one would be the wiser. Him on the other hand… He glanced down at the large wet spot at his crotch and turned bright red.

She just giggled breathlessly, kissing his burning cheek. “I guess you know what this means, don’t you?”

Kieran sighed. “I’m getting dumped into the river again, aren’t I?”

“That’s right. Boy are you a clumsy one, Kieran Duffy. Always falling in the river as you fish…” She winked as she rose, holding out her hand for him. He took it and let himself be hoisted to his feet. 

“They’ll realize something is up sooner or later…”

“Then maybe next time, you’ll take your pants off so they stay clean, hmm?”

“Or…” Suddenly, there was a wicked gleam in his eye as he began dragging her over towards the river’s edge. “This time Mary-Beth fell in, and I of course had to jump in after her to fish her out.”

Her eyes widened with shock. “Kieran, you wouldn’t!”

Except by then they were already up to their ankles in water. “In you go, sweetheart.” He didn’t toss her or anything rough, but simply guided her down. She could have easily refused if she had wanted to, but there was something compelling about his playfulness that she wanted to see through. Would it be worth damp boots for the next few days?

In the end, they were both sitting in the river laughing as the current tried to take Mary-Beth’s billowing skirt downstream, their dripping hair hanging over their faces and making them look ridiculous. Okay, maybe she would regret this later, but right now it was kind of fun. They of course couldn’t keep using this as a solution for their sex-related messes, but this one time, she felt so alive.


	4. D = Dirty Secret

They both knew so little about sex that for a long while things rarely deviated from simple touching and vanilla. It was admittedly Mary-Beth’s romance novels that provided the most direction, and Kieran’s unfortunate experiences with violence that steered them towards the gentle.

People in camp had loud mouths, however, especially after hitting the bottle, and a few ideas of new things to do filtered in, like it or not. Most of what the men bragged about didn’t seem at all appropriate for a girl like Mary-Beth in Kieran’s mind, and he quickly banished those thoughts as he turned away to hide his blush. His girl was no lady of the night, all sin and debauchery, and he would not treat her as such.

“…Kieran?”

“Hmm?” he was startled out of his thoughts, blinking.

“You did hear the question, right?”

“I…yeah. I was just…thinkin’.”

Mary-Beth put her hands on her hips. “You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about trying anything new. I mean, look at the company we keep; Karen alone has enough raunchy ideas after a few beers to keep us busy for a month!”

His face turned bright red once more. “But you ain’t like Karen.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean exactly?”

Now he was panicking. “I don’t mean any offense to Karen, but you…you’re real proper. I mean…” He buried his face in his hands. “I wanna treat ya right, like the fellers in them books you read. Ya didn’t wait all this time just to be used like a whore.”

Now both of her eyebrows had shot up. “Kieran, you DO have an idea.” She reached over and pulled the hands from his face to get a better look. When he risked a glance, she just appeared amused with a gentle smile on her face. “You can tell me. I promise I won’t make fun of you. Besides,” she shrugged, “I highly doubt that with a sweetheart like you it could be all that bad.” He just bit his lip. “Please?”

“I…well, that is…” he licked his dry lips nervously. The poor boy looked ready to faint from embarrassment. “I wonder what you’d look like on your knees taking me in your mouth.” The words finally uttered, tears sprang into his eyes. He was so ashamed that even now the very idea had actually caused him to twitch with interest below the belt. He’d caught more than one unwanted glimpse of O’Driscoll boys shoving their bought women to the ground in his day, muttering filth to them as they pulled themselves free from their jeans. Christ!

But instead of recoiling at the idea, Mary-Beth reached out and ran her fingers through his hair to calm him “Oh Kieran, that’s not that bad at all. I think it would be good for you to feel in control like that. And it’s nothing I wouldn’t willingly do for you anyhow. Why, you could twine your fingers in these curls you love so much and tug as I work on you.” She demonstrated gently in his hair, dragging a low whimper and an unconscious buck of his hips. “Not that I don’t love what we usually do, but it might be a nice change of pace to have you a bit more…aggressive. It wouldn’t insult me in any way, because I trust you and I know you want to make me happy. If I signaled you to stop, I know you would without hesitation. So…” She allowed her hands to trail down his shoulders, then his ribs until they arrived at his belt buckle. She had to notice the growing bulge at his crotch. “Why don’t we give it a try?”

“You’ll tell me if I hurt ya?” he insisted worriedly.

“I promise.”

Kieran let out a shaky breath, unable to believe this turn of events. “Okay. If you’re sure you’re okay with it…okay, yeah.”

With the go-ahead, Mary-Beth quickly unbuckled his belt and tugged his jeans down before he could reconsider. As she sank to her knees, face even with his swollen length, she actually smirked. “You’d better hold on tight.”


	5. E = Experience

Despite lives spent on the fringes of society, surrounded by all manner of vice, circumstances had left both lovers virgins at the time they began courting. Of course, the circumstances differed.

Mary-Beth had unyielding expectations. She spent her teenage years lonely, wrapped up in books that she had learned how to read from a young age in order to escape cruel reality. Men in those stories were gentlemen, honest and kind and full of honor, and she wanted that kind of man more than anything. Regrettably, her current position in life didn’t put her in a position to meet many potential suitors of that caliber. Knowing that no fling was going to give her her happily ever after, and despite the fact that people claimed it felt so good, she refused to put out in hopes that she might save herself for potential husband material. Besides, she could barely take care of herself; if she ended up pregnant, how could she care for a child in addition?

She stayed away from the saloons and dark alleys of the city to keep herself as safe as possible from predators as she bided her time.

Kieran, on the other hand, might have indulged if given the opportunity. He was just so lonely, so without dreams, that any promise of a relationship, no matter how toxic or ill-fated, might lure him in. No doubt it would come crashing down around him and leave him feeling worse than before, but for just a moment of gentle touch and soft words? It would be like a moth to a flame.

However, life did not grant Kieran opportunities. For one, survival took precedence; he spent most of his energies worried about finding food, shelter, and keeping himself safe from harm since his parents died. Then of course, there were no women in the army, or in his first gang. Colm’s gang had hookers, but not for someone as lowly as him, who couldn’t even scrape together money to pay for one. Not that he would. It felt wrong to buy affection, though his feelings on the matter meant little given his situation.

In the end, he could acknowledge that at least his “ugliness” served a purpose; none of Colm’s men felt any desire to use him against his will when there were far more appealing targets for their lust.

Admittedly, with both parties being inexperienced, there were plenty of moments of awkwardness. Mary-Beth had always imagined her dream man would be self-assured and dominant, able to guide her through the ins and outs of intimacy while seeing to her needs, but Kieran couldn’t provide her with that. That was fine, it wasn’t a deal breaker or anything, but it surprised her to find herself the more forward of the two, and to find herself taking the lead on their explorations at first. It initially made Kieran feel guilty, that he was not able to live up to her expectations or please her right away, but each time he’d apologize, she just reminded him that they were learning together, and his kind, gentle personality was worth the learning curve.

What a shame, they’d just have to practice some more…


	6. F = Fantasy

“Hey girl, you come sniffin’ ‘round fer me?” Kieran drawled, leaning against the trunk of a tree as he tossed the grooming brush to the ground. Branwen, whom he had been working on, snorted softly as Mary-Beth drew closer to where the pair stood at the river’s edge.

“Well, that is, I…” she feigned a blush as she absently twirled a curl. She’d perfected this act throughout her years as a spy and a pickpocket, and if Kieran didn’t know better, he’d be buying it.

“You’re bored, ain’t ya? Lookin’ fer some fun?” He gave a sly smile. “Ya know from experience I deliver.”

Mary-Beth gave a soft whimper as his lust-filled eyes scanned her up and down. “The man daddy wants me to marry is just so…old. And all he cares about is counting his money. But you touch me like you actually want me.”

That was all the invitation he needed. Kieran reached out a rough hand and ran his thumb along her cheekbone. “Lord knows I want you bad, girl. How could I not? Jus’ look at ya.” He trailed off as he began planting small nips and kisses along her jaw and neck.

“Kieran, don’t leave any marks! They can’t know…” Mary-Beth whined, but she gripped the lapels of his coat all the same.

She could feel him smirk against her skin. “Ya mean daddy ain’t figured out his little princess has been takin’ a tumble with the stable boy? That some dirty, low-class hired help already stole his daughter’s innocence away from the highest bidder?”

Mary-Beth shuddered, and it was one-hundred percent authentic this time. He was better at this than she’d ever imagined when she got the idea of trying role play. She of course was a natural at using her charms and imagination, but Kieran had always been straightforward. There was a lot he was uncomfortable doing during intimacy, especially when it involved being more dominant with her. Pretending to be a character helped him get past some of those insecurities he carried. Sometimes she was an outlaw while he was a bounty hunter, and she turned the tables on him after providing a distraction. Other times he was the outlaw while she was innocent victim (though she clearly allowed her ravishing to happen, seduced by a charming rogue). This one in particular was easy enough to carry off, with Mary-Beth playing the part of rich heiress, the golden locket he’d given her for Christmas around her neck, and he being, well, basically a confident version of himself. He certainly had all the right props to make it believable.

“Oh, he’d kill you!”

“Darlin’, he don’t pay enough attention to ya to ever realize, even if I left a mark on yer neck plain as day.” Kieran resumed his ministrations, reaching down to grope her rear while pulling her hips in line with his. She could feel his excitement. A slight roll of his hips a moment later drew a loud moan from her. This caused him to break away, eyeing Branwen awkwardly. For a second, he broke character.

“Umm, let’s do this a bit further away from, well, you know.”

She laughed, offering a loving pat to the horse before taking his hand. “It would be awfully mean to traumatize an innocent creature.”

Kieran smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”

As they walked further into the trees, she leaned over and whispered, “So what are you going to do to me, Kieran?”

“Hoist up yer fancy skirt, pull down yer silk drawers, and take you against a tree until you are cryin’ my name to the high heavens,” he growled, giving her hand a squeeze.

Oh my, his character was back, and she was already squirming with need.


	7. G = Goofy

Sex was a serious business for two people who were just trying to figure out how it all worked. There was always a plan. It certainly didn’t help that they lived with an entire camp of people. Spontaneous wasn’t a thing, and neither were loud noises unless they could put some decent distance between themselves and others. They only ever had a certain amount of time. Sad as it was, both could admit that sometimes it felt like a chore despite how meaningful the act was to them, her coaxing him to move just so, and him trying his best not to disappoint.

He’s not sure when it happened, or what tipped the balance; all he does remember is the way Mary-Beth smiled up to her eyes as she lay naked beneath him. No, it wasn’t just a smile, it was a grin. He’d said something he hadn’t meant to be funny, but perhaps it came out wrong? It didn’t matter, because he was just so enamored with the sight of his girl like that, carefree and happy. He couldn’t keep the widest grin from spreading across his own face as he took it all in, which was an absolute first as far as this activity was concerned.

It made him feel free, like there was nothing he had to be for her, like just being himself was enough. And it changed his entire approach to making love to her that day. Oh, he still remained thoughtful as he worked to give her pleasure, carefully watching her body for positive responses, but the pressure seemed to have disappeared. So did the urgency. Murmured praises for the goddess beneath him flowed from his lips until he reached that precipice, breathless. She was not far behind.

“I’ve never seen you smile like that while we…you know…” Kieran attempted as soon as he got the air back in his lungs.

“Hey, the same goes for you, you know!” she protested, giving him an affectionate shove.

“I s'pose I’ve been tryin’ real hard.” He couldn’t force a frown now if he tried. “I like it this way though, Mary-Beth. I like seein’ you this way.”

She relaxed as she curled up next to him. “We’ll have to take notes for next time. Truth is, seeing you smile so bright turned me on.”

That was enough to get his heart beating faster again.


	8. H = Hotspot

Sometimes Kieran wondered if Mary-Beth wished she could get handsy with him the way Sean and Karen did to each other after getting drunk. People knew about their relationship now, not that either one was keen on broadcasting THAT kind of intimacy. Still, it seemed that a squeeze here and a grope there with a flirtatious wink was normal for a couple as long as it was on the sly.

Kieran wasn’t normal, he was damaged goods. At least, that’s how he considered himself. Surprise touches put him in full-on fight or flight mode, especially after his time with the O’Driscolls; touches had never been good. Mary-Beth found that out the hard way, much to his embarrassment, the first time she snuck up behind him and gave him a light slap to the ass as he worked. He recoiled so hard that he scared the horse he had been grooming, and the resulting whimper was one of fear rather than arousal. Oh how terrible she had felt to have caused that reaction, and how mortified he was to have to explain it!

She understood, of course, and she’d quickly agreed not to do anything like that again. That didn’t stop him from feeling unworthy of her for yet another reason.  
But Mary-Beth had an uncanny intuition. One night as they sat side-by-side at the poker table eating stew, she leaned against him. Their arms pressed together, which he thought nothing of besides an appreciation for her warm presence. Then, slowly, her hand brushed against his hip. He blinked. Had she slipped? The answer became clear when she slowly began to walk her fingers down further until she was gently squeezing the inside of his thigh. The part of him she’d confessed led to nothing but sinful thoughts on her end. Christ, thank God it was dark so they couldn’t see the way he turned bright red! He stared at her in disbelief, but she simply batted her eyes innocently as if her hand was completely unconnected to her. All the while, she massaged his thigh, stirring him to life within his trousers.

So that was the compromise, then. As long as she gave him some warning, eased her way into any intimate touches, it was okay. Well, okay as long as no one was around to notice the effect it had on him…


	9. I = Intimacy

Intimacy started from the first time she reached out and took his hand. There had been no physical affection shown towards him since his mammy and pappy died, nothing deep, nothing more than casual camaraderie. It was silly, but when Mary-Beth first held his hand, he felt under scrutiny. They were too rough, too dirty, and now that he was thinking about it, too clammy! Still she didn’t retract hers, she simply threaded her fingers with his and squeezed tighter. It was the first step. It promised things to come. It encouraged words he’d been too fearful to voice before, leaving him wide open.

Then came the looking into his eyes. As self-conscious as he was about his looks, that was immensely difficult to endure at first. Meeting her gaze as she tried to peer into his eyes… She could see every flicker of emotion and doubt if he connected to her that way. This time it took coaxing, but he finally relented for a few brief seconds. Such a small thing, yet it left him breathless. Like riding a wild horse, each attempt lasted longer and longer as he grew more comfortable letting her in.

She wanted to see more of him, and to be honest it was good that she instigated, because he might never leave his comfort zone otherwise. A kiss as she invaded his mouth, and her fingers beginning to unfasten the buttons of his shirt… Too much, too fast! Baring his body to her, with all its imperfections, that required courage. Mary-Beth pulled back the pace, revealing inch by inch and kissing it as it was exposed. Just the top half for the moment. With her eyes sweeping over his chest, that was enough.

Finally the day came when he knew he was ready to go all the way. Though it had taken more time that most men would have required, he allowed himself to be vulnerable bit by bit, with Mary-Beth matching his pace every step of the way. She never pushed him, only took what she was given with enthusiasm and encouragement. Even now, she led by example, removing the last of her clothes and sprawling out on the blankets. Her eyes declared “All of me, for you”. But this time, he saw the flash of nerves there that matched his own.

And he knew it would all be okay.

He shed the last of his defenses and joined her, pushing down the fear. “For you, I’m ready.”

At last the final barrier was crossed, and they could not possibly be any closer.


	10. J = Journey

Once Colm and his top lieutenants were out of the picture, Kieran could travel without fear for the first time in nearly a year. The very first thing he wanted to do with that freedom was to take Mary-Beth somewhere civilized, to go on a date like normal people to restaurants and shows, get their picture taken, buy a trinket or two…

And to finally get a room with walls and a bed!

With Arthur’s blessing, they headed to Flatneck Station and boarded a train for Saint Denis. Perhaps Mary-Beth was thinking about the sights and tastes of the big city as flatlands and wetlands flew by the window, but Kieran was ashamed to admit he was more occupied by the thought of the hotel and all the ways they could take advantage of it during their overnight stay.

He didn’t rush the journey, though. Once they arrived to the station in Saint Denis, they strolled the main boulevards, Mary-Beth chattering excitedly about the days before the Van der Linde gang when she wandered the city. So much was familiar, and so much had changed since then! She pulled him to a café she knew where they ate French food, and then they paid that photographer a visit at her behest before sitting in the plaza to people-watch. It was all very lovely, and almost enough to keep him from thinking about what would come next.

They checked into their hotel, Kieran claiming the key after digging out his wad of dollars. He wasn’t messing around; he’d gone for someplace nice for this special occasion. It looked it. As soon as the door swung open, his jaw nearly hit the ground. What a large, spacious bed, covered in pillows and quilts! A fireplace with a fire already crackling! Why, there was even a complementary bottle of champagne sitting on the table with two fine crystal glasses! Apparently you got what you paid for. It made him feel woefully dirty though despite his best efforts earlier to clean up for their trip.

“I reckon I’ll take advantage of that complimentary bath first thing,” he decided. “Don’t wanna sit on that bed ‘til I do.”

“All right, I’ll go after you then,” Mary-Beth agreed.

As he sat in the tub of hot water, he was conflicted by his desire to enjoy the first soak he’d had in years and the desire to get the job done so he could get to Mary-Beth sooner. In the end, he opted for patience. The journey had already been so long, why rush now?

Mary-Beth seemed to feel the same way, he pondered as he flopped on the bed, shirtless, and fairly twitching with nervous energy. She was certainly taking a while, unless it was just him in his eagerness to get started. Finally, he decided to sit before the mirror and trim his beard so he’d be as handsome as possible for their romantic evening.

He’d used Arthur’s mirror before to do a decent job, but it was compact. Now, he was seeing even more of himself in the reflection, and it made him pause in surprise. Damn, he actually looked tolerable! When had that happened? His ribs no longer stuck out, and his skin had a healthy glow instead of being wind-burned and chapped. The dark circles under his eyes were barely noticeable. It must have been gradual, but the end result was suddenly registering.

He jolted back to reality when he caught a movement in the background of the mirror. It was Mary-Beth, back from her bath and wearing a long, luxurious robe. “Admiring yourself, handsome?”

Kieran blushed, setting down the scissors. So much for that idea. “Ain’t handsome…” he muttered as he averted his gaze shyly. 

“Sure look that way to me,” she smiled softly, moving so she was behind him, wrapping her arms around him.

It was hard to pinpoint why, but as they lay down to make love, it felt like some kind of homecoming, like the finale to a long race. But it wasn’t over. “Someday, we’ll have our own bed,” he decided, playing with a loose strand of her hair as they recovered.

“You mean when you marry me and we buy a house of our own?” she hinted coyly.

Oh, this journey was just beginning.


	11. K = Kink

He hit that sweet spot inside of her, most likely a happy coincidence at this point, and she can’t help but cry his name despite the fact that they are in the middle of camp and trying to be secretive. It’s raw and it’s euphoric and the sound of it even more than the pleasurable feeling of being inside of her has him finishing, barely able to withdraw in time in response to this sudden surge of emotions.

Mary-Beth wouldn’t be much of an author if she was anything less than observant. After he’s done taking care of her, and as they drift off into sleep, she reflects on the way he suddenly became overwhelmed at the sound of his own name. Mental notes are made.

The next time it happens, she holds nothing back. When it feels good, she lets him know. Not once does she try to stifle the sounds with her hand as she normally does. She gasps his name, and even goes for words of praise and encouragement. Kieran is quickly worked up. She says his name like she NEEDS him. How long has it been since anyone has needed him? She says it like he can deliver everything she could ever want, that he can be everything for her. Christ, the feeling is intoxicating, makes him feel twice the man he ever felt he was. It’s enough that he purposely tries to get her to be vocal, going for every trick he’s learned so far. Gone is his shyness about what they are doing, about the rest of camp hearing. Let them know! Let them hear just how good he can make her feel!

It’s a good thing he was already thinking of pulling out when she desperately tugs at his hair, because he absolutely loses it at that point. A few quick touches and she’s right there with him. After all, she’s always secretly wanted a more dominant partner. Kieran is first and foremost a considerate and gentle lover, and she would have him no other way, but this fire she seems to have lit inside of him with her praise hones him to just the right edge that she craves. More confident. More assertive. Yet, he still looks at her when it is all over like she’s the best thing in the world.

Now everyone else in camp knows it too. It’s worth the teasing they’re bound to get tomorrow.


	12. L = Location

He would never speak badly about their spot down by the river. How could he, when it was the place where they made their first intimate memories? There was certainly something to be said about the majestic beauty of this natural location, close to the water he loved to swim and fish in. It was about the only place to go for some privacy as well.

Still not his favorite. The rocks were not very comfortable at all, and there was always a sense of paranoia that someone would find them.

Once the stars aligned, they started getting frisky in camp. Kieran had worked hard and saved up all his money to be able to buy a tent of his own, and Mary-Beth helped him break it in. The bed roll made it a bit more comfortable, and being shielded from view was greatly appreciated, but knowing they were surrounded on all sides by the rest of the gang was still…unnerving.

He didn’t think it could be any better than in a rented hotel room. Though it cost money, they felt the most freedom. No time constraints. No need to keep quiet. Enjoying a bed for the first time in years was incredible, and they could even get cleaned up before sliding between the soft sheets. If only it didn’t require so much travel and money. Getting away was not often easy, requiring them to savor the experience every time they got it.

Unbeknownst to him, there would be one location even better than that. Maybe it wasn’t as fancy as the hotel room, the bed constructed of simple wood planks and covered in home-made quilts of practical material, but it was theirs. In this little homestead where he raised the horses and she sat at her desk writing her novels, this bed resided, being moved from their first apartment in Saint Denis. They had privacy and comfort, tucked away in their own bedroom with four walls and a door, and it was always available to them.

Best of all, it was where they began to grow their family.

Now, they only go to a hotel when they need to get away from the kids for a while.


	13. M = Motivation

It seemed horrible to say, but sometimes the best motivation for sex was simply opportunity.

Living in a camp with so many other people, having jobs that kept them busy constantly, they had to take advantage of the chances they got when they arose and simply create the mood for themselves. That wasn’t to say they were unromantic and uninspired when they did come together, but one flirty gesture or suggestive remark during the day was not going to yield the desired results until well after the moment was gone.

There was a phase, between leaving the gang and the birth of Rebecca, where they finally had the freedom to be more spontaneous. The couple jokingly refer to it as their ‘honeymoon’ phase. It was amazing, but short lived. Soon, children replaced the gang as the huge interference in their parents’ love lives.

Kieran and Mary-Beth make one hard and fast exception to the rule, making sure to rearrange their schedules for some special lovemaking, and that is on their birthdays. After all, on their days dedicated to them, they want to remind each other that they are so very loved, and will go to great lengths to express their devotion. Even after children, both of them agree that the kids should take a vacation to other family, leaving them free for the day (though usually not the day of, so that the children can celebrate too).

Kieran as a general rule won’t start anything. It’s an unspoken agreement, which doesn’t offend her in the slightest; she knows he doesn’t want to be pushy or demanding. Admittedly, he’d be game whenever, wherever. He leaves that call to Mary-Beth’s discretion, and she rarely disappoints. He can think of only a hand-full of times where she’s been so busy or tired that he timidly offered the suggestion. No, most of the time, a few off-handed compliments and a bat of her eyelashes and he knows she’s thinking about it. As soon as feasible, he’ll be sating that hunger.


	14. N = No

Being with Mary-Beth, Kieran always felt safe. He was almost entirely certain she was a kind, trust-worthy partner who would never hurt him (and he only held a tiny reservation simply due to the cruel nature of his life so far). He would offer her everything.

Except one night he found out that he couldn’t.

It was a toss-up for who put the idea in her head between Karen and a book she’d read, but she announced that she had a surprise for him. He couldn’t imagine what it must be, so he nodded and closed his eyes for her. Before he knew what was happening, she was pressing a strip of cloth over his eyes. “Everything will be a surprise this time,” she whispered seductively. “I’ll make you feel so good…”

But honestly, he didn’t feel so good about it as she reached back to knot the cloth behind his head. Having his sight taken away, he felt a rising panic against all logic that dictated he was safe. Somehow, knowing it was Mary-Beth wasn’t enough. His body tensed, but she mistook that for a sign of anticipation rather than malaise. One by one her nimble fingers began to unfasten the buttons of his shirt, eager to begin the teasing.

The whimper that escaped him could not be mistaken for anything except fear, especially when paired with the way his body seemed to fold into itself. She paused her actions. “Kieran? Are you all right?”

He wasn’t, not at all, but he didn’t want to disappoint her. After all, it was his fault for reacting this way when there was no reason for it. “U-u-of course!”

But she was suspicious now, watching him carefully as she trailed gentle touches across his chest. He was flinching even though she’d touched him like this a million times with his eyes able to watch her. She could put two and two together, and so began to remove his blindfold. “Forgive me, but I don’t believe you.”

As the blindfold fell away, she saw the look of shame on his face as he averted his gaze. “I’m sorry, Mary-Beth, I didn’t mean to ruin yer fun. I don’t know why I react like that, I know you ain’t gonna hurt me…” Now he was blinking back tears. “I can handle it, really I can!”

Mary-Beth placed her index finger to his lips. “I’m sure you can, love, but that doesn’t mean I want you to. If it doesn’t feel good, you shouldn’t have to endure it. I love you, you know? I want you to feel good.” She began massaging his scalp in the way that made him melt without fail. “I should have asked you if it was okay to blindfold you before jumping in like that. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Ya don’t…ya aren’t upset?” he wondered in disbelief.

Mary-Beth smiled. “Not at all. I know that down the line we’re going to find something I don’t like either, and that you wouldn’t hold it against me. Besides, I enjoy you more than enough doing what we usually do.”

Just like that, the nagging sliver of reservation he still had about being safe around Mary-Beth vanished.


	15. O = Oral

Mary-Beth had felt like she was often the one pushing to try things. To be fair, she was the one who read romance novels, both sweet and risqué. She didn’t have it in her to ask for his mouth between her thighs though. Something about that seemed…greedy? Somehow even more intimate than their actual union? It was hard to say. All she knew was that it was an action straight out of those idealistic romances, one few women actually got. Maybe someday she’d work up the nerve.

Better yet, Karen got to prying. After finishing a bottle one evening, she pulled Mary-Beth aside and started asking questions about how her relationship with Kieran was going, with a strong slant towards the physical side of things. When Karen got to bragging about how she demanded her men eat her out before getting anything, she wasn’t so drunk that she missed Mary-Beth’s wistful look.

“He hasn’t yet, has he?”

Mary-Beth actually blushed. “I don’t think he knows that’s a thing… I bet when he hears the men talk, it’s all rough stuff.”

“And you haven’t told him yet?”

“Well…no?” She wrung her hands nervously. “I don’t really know how.”

“Hmph, for Christ’s sake, you call yourself an author! How do you not have the words? It’s just Kieran!”

“I know, but-“

“Look, I can take care of this real quick.” Before Mary-Beth could stop her, Karen took off. Part of Mary-Beth wanted to follow and restrain her, but the more dominant part was too afraid of what her friend was about to do to even be seen with her. Indeed, she noticed her pull Kieran aside from the small group huddled by the campfire. Somehow she managed to whisper, but the blush on his face and the way his eyebrows shot up gave her a pretty good idea of what she’d said.

A few moments seemed like forever, but finally Kieran sauntered over, still looking flustered. “M-Mary-Beth, ya busy tonight?”

“Kieran, I know what she said!” she blurted, burying her face in her hands. No use pretending. “You don’t have to. I mean, I understand where that might seem weird.”

“But it’s somethin’ ya really want, right? Me usin’ my mouth, well, THERE?”

His girl fell silent for a second, biting her lip. “Yes,” she finally whispered.

“Well,” he scratched his head awkwardly, “ya know I ain’t got no idea of what to do, but if you’d help me learn, I’d give it a try. Karen tell me it feels real good for the woman. Seems like you’re always takin’ care o’ me and gettin’ the short end o’ the stick, so I reckon you deserve my full attention once.”

“Kieran, it’s not about you owing me, you know that, right? I’m satisfied!”

He shook his head, a lopsided grin forming. “It’s ‘bout makin’ ya feel good ‘cause I love ya. ‘Sides…” He began picking at some invisible speck of dirt on his jeans. “I ‘spose there are worse places to be than with my head ‘tween yer legs…” A slight shiver betrayed his interest. Before she knew it, she was pulling him in by the lapels for a deep, dirty kiss.

“Tent. Now.”


	16. P = Pace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to unpocowboys for the kick in the butt (a.k.a. motivation). I needed that :) Spreading myself thin on too many things, but finishing a darn alphabet should be a solid first step!

Down by the river, there’s not much time. Someone could catch them even though they try to find some kind of cover. If they stay too long, everyone back at camp will be asking questions. That works fine for Kieran. Life has always been a cruel mistress, snatching the good things away from him, and he’s going to take what he can before it eludes him, much like a starving dog devouring a scrap of food whole without ever tasting it. The fact that he’s so sensitive due to inexperience plays right into that theme.

Mary-Beth is not so keen on this. She understands the necessity of being quick and efficient, but it’s hardly romantic. Also, it hardly does anything for her. By the time she’s starting to get into it, he’s finishing. Sometimes she’s close enough that she can finish herself. Sometimes she isn’t. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings (Lord knows he’s self-conscious enough as far as this sort of thing is concerned), but she just can’t keep doing things at this pace.

One day down by the river, as they start to get handsy, she finds the nerve to break away. “Please, just…touch me for a while, okay?” she begs. “I need to do this slowly once, even if we end up being late. I’ll come up with an excuse.”

He blinks in surprise. Mary-Beth never asks for anything, so this must be important. Well, if she’s volunteering to make the excuses, it’s not like focusing his attention on her body would be torture… He has to consciously fight his every instinct for gratification, making certain he doesn’t rub himself against her as his weathered hands caress and squeeze every square inch he can. She does have such beautiful, soft skin, all dotted with freckles. Why hasn’t he ever thought about that before when they do this? She may just have a point.

“Oh, Kieran…” she sighs happily as he nips at her neck. “Say something to me, please?”

“You’re so damn pretty like this!” he blurts, the first thing that comes to mind. Truthfully, he can’t remember ever seeing her so unraveled.

Before he knows it, she’s guiding his hand between her thighs. “Here…” But instead of explaining, she’s quickly grinding against his hand, leaving no question of what she likes for next time. When she risks a look, she nearly laughs at the shocked expression on his face. “Kieran…”

“M-Mary-Beth?”

She manages to position her leg so he finally has access to something to relieve his own pressure. In the end, they both come undone at about the same time.

“I’m glad…you said somethin’,” he gasps as he tries to get his breathing back under control. “I think I’ve been missin’ out the way I’ve been goin’…”

“Can we do it slower like this next time, too?”

As he gazes at her sated expression, he realizes that it would be worth any amount of teasing to make her feel this way again, and maybe, if he can keep her satisfied like this, he doesn’t have to be afraid of losing the opportunity. “Of course, darlin’.”


	17. Q = Quickie

Even from over by the horses, Kieran can see that Mary-Beth is one hundred percent done, and it’s not even noon yet. If he had to make a guess as to why her lips are pulled down into a frown as she aggressively wipes the tables, he’d guess Grimshaw has been more demanding than usual, or has scolded her for having her head in the clouds again. If only there was a way to erase that frown from her otherwise pretty face…

He gets an idea, and the nerve of it shocks him.

Once it finally gets to be noon, and Pearson starts dishing up the lunchtime gruel, he marches over to her with greater purpose than she’s ever seen. “Hey, Mary-Beth, you got a moment?”

She looks behind her. Probably checking for Grimshaw. “Yes, I ought to. Even we have to eat SOMETIME.” It’s hard not to smile at how cross she is feeling, being that she’s usually so mellow. It’s almost…cute.

“Then c’mere.” He beckons with a wave and heads out of camp, and that’s enough to pique her curiosity. She looks around one more time, convinced no one is watching, then scurries after him.

Odd. He doesn’t stop until they are well beyond earshot of camp. What kind of secret does he have for her? Finally, he turns and waits patiently for her to catch up. “What are you up to, Kieran? This is awfully suspicious…”

His look is surprisingly serious. “This ain’t really in my nature, but ya look like you could use some relief. Tell me to stop if ya don’t want this.” And suddenly he leans in and kisses her, tangling his rough fingers in her curls as he does. She can hardly believe it, even if it wasn’t coming from a typically self-conscious man like Kieran, but she doesn’t fight it. If anything, she melts into it. 

Before long, he’s breaking away and falling to his knees, leaving her panting for more reasons than just lack of oxygen. Then he’s reaching up and under her skirt. Is she imagining this? But no, he disappears beneath the plentiful fabric and suddenly she feels the tickle of his beard against her thighs.

Despite the abruptness of it all, she builds surprisingly quickly, clutching a nearby tree for support. Maybe it's in part the pent-up frustration, or maybe it’s the spontaneity of it. She comes before she knows it, barely able to remember to cover her mouth to muffle the sounds of her pleasure. As she leans back against the tree, he’s removing himself from under her skirts and gasping for air. “Christ, Kieran…”

“You feelin’ better?” he asks, wiping away the moisture around his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Am I…” She stops and thinks. He knew. He could tell just how worked up she was over that little butting of heads with Grimshaw, and he wanted to do something for her. Slowly, a smile blossomed across her features. “I am amazing now.”

He urged her to head back to camp first, that he’d come behind after he took care of himself (there was no hiding his body’s reaction to what he’d done). When he did, there was still a hint of a flush on his face, and Javier noticed right away. “Why does Kieran look like the fox that got the hen?”

Only she could make out his muttered response. “Tastier than the hen, believe me.”


End file.
